The dictionary defines delusional syndrome as “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or abilities.” In other words, impostor syndrome is the feeling that you know you’re a fraud and eventually other people will figure it out too.
When I was in graduate school, I never heard the term, but I definitely experienced it. As a nontraditional first-generation student completing my bachelor’s degree at a small liberal arts college, I felt like an impostor. It felt like everyone else had specialized education and experiences to better prepare them for graduate school, while I was trying to keep my head above water and catch up with everyone. I didn’t feel like I belonged and thought it was only a matter of time before someone else realized the same thing and kicked me out of the program. It wasn’t until I was a postdoc that I would learn the term “imposter syndrome,” which perfectly described what I had experienced.
Fear of imposters is common in academia, especially for people with historically marginalized identities and even more so for those with intersectional identities. While change is happening to make the academy more supportive, it is happening extremely slowly and not without delay. So what can you do to start fighting your delusional fears? You can find tools and mechanisms to help you. Chances are, if you’ve experienced such fears once, you’ll experience them again as your career progresses. Having a toolkit will help you when you need to get through even the worst days of imposter syndrome.
- Build trust. It is one of the best ways to treat imposter syndrome. What helps you build trust? It can be something small or big, but even small steps can help you work towards being confident and experience fewer delusional fears. It doesn’t have to be academic or work. For me, it started as a question in seminars. Although it was scary at first, I slowly realized that my questions were similar in quality to the professors’ questions, which boosted my confidence.
- Get a little help from your friends (and family). When we are in our feelings, we have a hard time using logic to get out of them. So share your worries and fears with people you trust. They will usually see angles that you can’t and help you realize that you are not a fraud, but truly amazing. And they don’t need to be in academia to be supportive. In fact, they are more likely to see your wins if they are out of higher education, which can lead to more trust and reduce the fear of scammers.
- Practice. Practice builds your confidence. Find someone you trust to practice with. Are you worried about an upcoming interview? Do a dry run with someone you know and trust or a career development professional if your institution has one. Worried about your next dissertation defense or job interview? Again, practice. If the idea of practicing with others makes you more nervous, start by practicing out loud by yourself. Then try it with someone you’re comfortable with and know won’t make you nervous. Being aware of your needs on how to practice better can make you more comfortable.
- Learn. Perhaps your delusional fear comes from the unknown. It is common for fear and anxiety to come from not knowing about something. In graduate school and academia, so many things are not well known or discussed. So how can you learn about them? Talk to people who have experienced them (bonus points for growing your network, which is always a good thing). Join Twitter and follow people to see topics and discussions about different issues and ideas. Talk to people you know who have gone through the phases that worry you.
- problem-solve. Do you feel more like an imposter in certain situations? If so, consider what you can do to make those situations less scary and stressful for you. For example, if you are worried about defending your dissertation, schedule it for the time of day when you are your best self. If you are a morning person, set an early morning schedule. If you’re a night owl, ask for afternoon availability. Choose an outfit that you feel good in. Some things may be completely out of your hands, but controlling the things you can can make a difference.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. Even if we are at the same career stage, we are all on different journeys. Some fields are fast-paced and publishing your work can happen quickly. Other domains have extremely slow timelines and may take longer to publish. Some people have to teach during graduate school, reducing the amount of time available for research. Other people have families to care for and different levels of personal demands. Comparing yourself to others will only lead to feelings of inadequacy.
- Find trusted mentors. Mentors can be anyone. They could be your advisors, committee members, colleagues, or someone you haven’t met yet. Good mentors are important to have and will help you rise. They won’t make you feel bad about yourself. It’s good to have multiple mentors for a variety of reasons, including having a good support system and getting a variety of perspectives. Moreover, they will show why you belong and that you are not a fraud.
- Success out of anger. It’s likely that at some point someone said something to you that made you feel less than stellar or like you didn’t belong. By succeeding, you are proving them wrong. Every successful move you make and achievement you achieve proves this. Using this ordeal to push yourself forward and fight those inner fears is a totally worthwhile thing to do. You shouldn’t use it as the only thing to fight your fear, but if you need to use it, go for it.
- Keep a document or file of achievements. Keep track of every achievement you have, big and small. When you feel like you’re a fraud, review it. It may not completely dispel your fears, but hopefully it makes you realize that you are the smart and well-rounded person that you are. Plus, it will help you write your resume or resume when the time comes. And you never know: sometimes that review from a student who says you’re the bee’s knees might be just what you need to read on a bad day.
- Seek professional help. Getting mental health support isn’t always easy, but it’s vital in many cases. Find out what your health insurance covers and look for a therapist and/or psychiatrist who will be a good fit. Make sure you have outside support from friends and family as you look for a therapist or psychiatrist, as finding someone who is a good fit can be difficult in itself. Sometimes we need outside help and there is nothing wrong with asking for it from trained professionals.
Last but definitely not least, remember that you are smart and capable. They accepted you into the program or hired you because they saw something special in you. You wouldn’t be where you are today if you were a cheater. You are a capable and brilliant person who can bring your unique experience and expertise to anything you choose to do. It belongs to you. You are not a fraud.
