I am very proud of the countries that contributed to my life. In Trinidad and Canada, diversity and multiculturalism feel so comfortable. We can’t say that racism doesn’t exist, but I see a real commitment to trying to overcome our differences, to embrace each other, to celebrate each other’s cultures, and to create our own new culture, in a way manner. I think this is really related to my soul, and maybe my soul purpose.
I moved to Canada at five. Until I was 13 or 14, my parents cooked only Trinidadian food – roti, curry, boiled chicken and rice and peas. My mom also made snacks, pancakes, friend – Oh my god, my mom friend (bitter melon). I was the only one who could eat it. My parents always played calypso and soca music at home, and we would go to Caribana in Toronto. My father always pushed us to really understand other people’s cultures. But I think no matter what, you can’t get away from your roots.
Everyone in the Caribbean is so proud: the flags on the windshield, on our Instagram accounts – everywhere. My husband is half Guyanese, half Pakistani, but he was pretty much raised fully Guyanese. We have been together 19 years. My son already knows he is Trinidadian and doesn’t talk about being Guyanese yet, but he knows. We brainwash him from a very young age.
Trinidad has a way, especially in food, of just connecting cultures. And I feel like that’s part of my purpose and who I am. Because standing on that Emmys stage and having that opportunity to give that acceptance speech, I feel like I was made for that moment because of where I came from.
My father never stopped talking about the most beautiful woman to come from Trinidad – Janelle “Penny” Commissiong, the first black woman to win Miss Universe. And 45 years later, I broke a glass ceiling myself. I think that’s what’s beautiful—celebrating all the glass ceilings that women of all different ethnicities are breaking in different industries.
This is the one thing I didn’t get to say but wanted to say in my acceptance speech. I’m lucky to be from Trinidad because I’m filled with all these different cultures. My grandmother was half Chinese, half Venezuelan. My grandfather was a French Creole. My father’s side was Indian and black. I have all these cultures in my blood. I celebrate being the first black woman to win – and I’m also a multiracial woman. It means that a Chinese girl and an Indian girl can come after me. I wanted my speech to be about unity – reminding everyone that we are all connected and to make these changes together.
Myour mother is one of 18 children. My grandmother had 18 children all with the same husband.
When I returned to Trinidad for the first time when I was 14, I remember stepping off the plane and this overwhelming feeling of, I am at home. With my family it was as if we had never left. We just picked up where we left off.
Many of my family have come from all over the world for my grandmother’s 80th birthday. I was 19 years old. Grandma “Shoeney”. That was when I broke my neck in a car accident on Barrackpore Road.
My whole life was devoted to becoming a lawyer. I felt I had to maintain this perfect academic record so that I could get into York University for Political Science and then law school. In Canada, you can apply to law school after your second year of graduation. School was always very easy for me. I have always been a really dedicated student. I was quite active in my faith. But I always felt like something was pushing me. So I had such a separation from God for two or three years. And the accident was like coming home.
I lay there for five days while they tried to figure out the operation. I remember being satisfied with everything I did in my life. I thought that even if I was paralyzed from the neck down, I could fight it – maybe even be a lawyer. Then I remembered hearing a voice: “But you’ve never tried.”
I knew what they were talking about because things just didn’t feel aligned. I have always loved acting. Whenever there was a school play, I was in it. I would have small parts and people would always make me feel noticed when I was on stage. A teacher asked me if I would apply to an art high school. My drama and English teacher were mad that I wasn’t going to at least major in drama at university. When we did the yearbook, they said “I was very likely to be a movie star.” But my instinct was to wonder if I was being bullied. These are all the things that came to my mind. And I said to God, if you give me this opportunity to walk again, I think I will try.
When I got back to Canada, I was fooled for a bit. So I made another prayer for someone to guide me and help me. I bartended all my way through university, including at this nightclub where a man randomly came up to me and said he’d left a big agency, was breaking out on his own, and thought I’d be great for advertising. I just remembered the feeling that it was too soon. He has been my agent ever since.
I booked the first thing I auditioned for, which was a music video that I ended up getting cut from. I auditioned for commercials, but I told my agent that I really wanted to act in film and television. He said I didn’t have any experience, but if I could audition for him, he might send me on a thing or two. I booked a guest star spot seven months later (The best years)and then after 10 months, I booked a series regular role Family business. My agent said it was unheard of.
All this time, I had been putting off law school, but I was still doing my third year at York. I got a call saying I had booked a regular role in the second series. But law school would be four hours away in Ottawa, so I wouldn’t be able to continue acting in Toronto. So I said a prayer that I needed to hear – very clearly – that I wasn’t going to law school. Two weeks before I went, my agent called me and said, “You’re not going to law school.”
Tthe reason I talk so much about purpose is because after I took this big leap of faith, both of my shows got canceled and I didn’t book another project for a year and a half. I’ve always had this weird optimistic outlook on life. I’ve never felt like a bitter or angry person or someone who has a short fuse…except for that year and a half. I almost went into a deep, dark depression. Something felt really off.
One day, I walked into the bookstore and I remember feeling so heavy. Not knowing I was in the self-help section, I started studying and looked A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It literally had a line that said, if this is relating to you, this book is for you. And I took it home and it completely transformed my life. I got rid of a lot of anger about things not working out the way I wanted them to. And it put me in this place of stretching and flowing.
It really made me start to reevaluate why I wanted to be an actor. For a long time, I thought it was because I wanted to help my parents and not worry about money. In my early twenties, I thought I was going to be a star, and that’s why I was going to do it.
But I have never been a conspicuous person. I love acting for the way it makes me feel and how free I am on stage since I was a kid. So it’s not about the money. I started thinking about why I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to change the world. I literally said it to myself, laughing. I wanted to fight for women’s rights and people’s rights. And it just hit me. I can spend 10 years lobbying for something, or I can create a two-hour film and change someone’s heart, help them see and feel the world differently just through photography and the art of drama. That’s why I wanted to become an actor.
As soon as I discovered this, maybe two weeks later, I started booking like crazy – including The young and the restless in 2013. Everything on the line. And that’s the reason I’m so big on knowing what you’re doing, because we have one life to live and we all have a piece of this puzzle to play. So you either become a purpose-driven person and your part is bigger and more enjoyable, or you become another tool that God will use in a different way.
Everyone has their own purpose and journey. Other people see your life from the outside – see moments of success and fame. But it is the journey that is most important. Because those moments of success and even fame are so few and far between.
You can read the full interview with Mishael – with more about him Y&R other work and projects – here in our sister publication, Discover Trinidad & Tobago
